The Sinkhole Song

03:30
Lucky Mud
2010-03-13
Mike McKinney

Story

Just a little ditty about the end of the world.

Lyrics

It started as a call to the local police,

when the dispatcher said,

"Can I help you, please?"

She heard the man on the line say, without hesitation

I think I'm on the edge of a bad situation

 

You see, early this morning I went out in the yard

To get the morning paper

And to water the garden

But all of my tomatoes and my clothesline pole

Was sitting at the bottom

Of a seven foot hole

Well, I was just looking where my garden used to be

When the hole got bigger

And it swallered my tree

Then it ate my fence

And my mailbox, too

So I'd get out here fast if I was you

 

But you know by the time to police showed up

The sinkhole was chewing

On a pickup truck

And by the time the police

Called the National Guard

The big hole ate up

The house and the yard

Then it nibbled on the driveway

Munched a little more

Stretched out and gobbled up

The house next door

The ace commentator

On the six o'clock news

Concluded there was nothing

Anyone could do

 

But the experts came

From all over the state

They talked about the sinkhole

Watched while it ate up

A four lane road

And the Omelet Shoppe

And they all agreed

That was where it would stop

But the hole kept growing and everybody ran

While it ate up the houses

And the experts' van

And people watched the news

From miles around

As the sinkhole at up

The entire town

 

Well, they tried concrete

And dynamite

And engineers worked

On through the night

But the hole got deeper

And the hole just grew

It ate Orlando

And Tampa, too

It ate condominiums

It ate Spook Hill

It ate up Miami and Jacksonville

And double-wide trailers

Lined up in a row

Before it sucked up

The Gulf of Mexico

 

Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee

Both Carolinas Fell into the sea

Mississippi, Missouri And Louisiana, too,

All disappeared

In that sinkhole brew

While farther up North

In the seat of the nation

Senators and congressmen

Passed Legislation

Making it illegal

With a very stiff fine

For sinkholes to cross

The Mason Dixon line

But the hole kept going

And it broke the law

It ate Indiana

And Arkansas

It ate Massachusetts

And it ate up Maine

And it chewed up the prairies

On the Western Plain

It swallowed up the Rockies

And was doing fine

But it stopped dead still

On the California line

 

And the people of California laughed

At the strange twist of fate

That left them

Of all people

The remaining state

So they decided to have a big jubilee

But a San Andreas earthquake

Dropped them into the sea

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